Introductions are awkward. People make an initial judgment on each other during these exchanges based on things like a handshake and eye contact. We notice someone’s appearance and scramble to fit them in a preconceived category of stereotypes in our heads. We use these groups to compartmentalize the people in our lives, to try to understand their choices and beliefs without them ever having to share with us. This is how we learn who we can relate to, who we should seek out as friends vs. acquaintances, or who we think we should avoid. Fair or not it’s an inherent skill. Just like you have done with everyone else you’ve been introduced to through your life, you will inevitably place me in one of your segregated predetermined categories. I will have to accept whatever label you give me. It’s okay, I’m an adult, kind of. I can deal. Probably.
I know a man who has this rule of thirds. Disclaimer, it is very possible this is some well documented anthropologic theory. I should probably google it, do my research so I sound like I know what I’m talking about, maybe later. Anyway I heard it from this guy first, so I will always associate him with the idea. Rule goes like this: a third of the people you meet will like you no matter what, a third of the people you meet won’t be very fond of you no matter what, and the other third will be indifferent but can be swayed one way or the other. Sounds like a political campaign theory. Win over that indifferent third, the registered independents.
Don’t worry I’m not going to try to win you over. If I do, awesome, welcome to my club. We drink a little too much here, both coffee and spirits. We spend too much time chasing the errant thoughts bouncing around our heads. We like Reddit to hone this skill, I mean who actually reads past the first few comments in a thread anyway? You’ll fit right in I’m sure. Grab some coffee, it’s not 5 o’clock yet. After all we like to act like we do have some standards. If I’m not your cup of tea, I get it. We’re not a compatible fit, good luck on your journey to find your people. The world needs all kinds.
I’ll tell you more about myself as time goes on and on a need to know basis. Don’t be insulted, most of the people in my real life will know less than you are going to. Thing is, no ones preconceived notion needs to be based on the fact that I have kids, or a Golden Retriever, what netflix shows I’ve binge watched, or that my major was technically communications. You probably don’t need to know what cities I’ve spent time in, but you’ll hear about them eventually, they’re ingrained in me. You don’t need to know that the people around me assume I am really type A and extremely organized but in truth I am scattered, ADHD, and at times manic. That I am afraid of failure and that spurs a constant stream of over commitment ebbing the deep rooted anxiety when I don’t allow myself the time to let it seep in, but instead builds up the panic of never allowing myself to stop. I’m not a martyr, this is all my own doing, but I’m sure I sometimes sound like I think I am. Whoops.
One thing you should know is I write for myself. I no longer use my actual name. Over time I have learned that the best writing I do is based on honesty. The relationships I have with and observations I make from the people around me. No one I know needs to read my real feelings about them. Even if I think my impression of them and the category I have placed them in is flattering they may not find it to be so. People for the most part are desperate for approval. I really admire those that aren’t. It probably matters to some that I’ve been published. I don’t think it should though, if you find my work worthwhile who cares if someone else thought it was acceptable or not. It’s been a few years since my work was out there, it became hard to write regularly when I didn’t have the time to do so for myself, but only for the people who expected certain work from me. If I can’t clear the thoughts of the day from my head I can’t work through the big projects that aren’t really for me.
I read a lot, and probably half of what I read is fluff with happy ever afters. I don’t write happy endings though, because I don’t believe in them. Let me explain, see I think real life is gritty and messy. I’m not saying there is never joy, there absolutely is, but it’s not a forever thing. If it is your probably high. You might want to stop reading and go google “rehab near me.” Don’t do drugs people, D.A.R.E. and all that. Oh yah, I’m a product of the 90’s, my flannel and doc martins are showing. I write what I know, I write honesty, my reality. Take what you need from my words because I am sharing them for you to resonate with how you will. I have no expectations that anyone else will see my experiences the same way I do.
Hi, It’s nice to meet you. I’m K. looking forward to catching up with you again soon.